The Magic Lamp

2007-07-07T21:00:00.000-07:00

Never say goodbye...

A story about losers who lose everything yet manage to make a happy ending out of it. It's all about loving your parents, hating your spouses and wearing lots of designer stuff on a normal, every day basis.

And yet, in the flaming imperfection of it all, I could relate to what was going on in the movie. The woman's loveless marriage and her fling, which turns physical. The betrayal and the pain of admitting it to someone she may have never loved in that way but did care a lot about. The pain of having been found out and the suspense hanging over what to say...

Lots of small things in it made sense. Perhaps life is that way. It may not give you what you need, or the designer sarees I so fell in love with, but it will give you similar things to mull over, maybe similar experiences if it's so intended. All in all, this is a problem so many ppl prefer to say is all a work of fiction, but the sad thing is...it's all a part of our society. Hypocrisy and refusal to admit that this is where we are...and where we'll stay unless we change our mentality.

:)

Something beautiful...

2007-07-06T01:07:00.000-07:00

One of my random thoughts led me to discover something truly beautiful. Maybe someday, I'll actually start working on it and make it a bit more thought out and chiselled and perfect. Maybe not perfect. It's the imperfection that's more memorable and far more outstanding.

Like having perfect views, a different thought could shatter them and take you on a different line of thought. But if we didnt have different views, there's not much point to our discovering or rediscovering things on our own. I love a bit of an argument but not when it gets too personal, or too intrusive. One loves to chew on ideas and look at all sides and just leave it be, instead of taking the whole responsibility of taking a decision and sealing the fate of all those million thoughts floating around.

It's better to be a brain buzzing with activity and learning new things every single moment instead of being one that 'knows' it all and doesnt need to, or want to, open up anymore.

Twice on a blue moon...

2007-07-02T05:11:00.001-07:00

One gets a day all to oneself. So one hops away to a special dim sum festival for dim sums made by chefs flown in from China. Unfortunately, I didnt find a great variety...I got a nice special dimsumania menu card which had two pages - one for vegetarians and one for non-vegetarians. However, I'd found more variety in China White (which has shut down to the extreme disappointment of all the dim sum fans such as moi) from sticky rice and chicken bits wrapped and steamed in lotus leaves to other fantastic creations. Perhaps the focus here wasnt on variety but on the authenticity of these dim sums...which was nothing different from the usual dim sums and sui mais one gets at the restaurant at any other time.

My sister liked the prawn dim sums dipped in a green chutney of sorts, vinegar with spring onions and chillies with probably a hint of ginger. Even the dim sums, especially the chicken ones, were lightly flavoured with ginger - lending a refreshingly sharp taste to the otherwise bland chicken. However, the chicken+mushroom buns disappointed me. I'd rather go back to Hong Kong and get the buns from the cafeteria there - however, the roast pork filling I'm sure was the main reason I loved them.

The jasmine tea and a glass of Cosmopolitan gave the right accompaniment to these little steamed treasures. At the end of this wonderful treat, one couldnt suppress a smile and a wish for honey fried noodles dipped in vanilla ice cream.

We're just walking...

2007-06-23T02:06:00.000-07:00

...towards God Knows What.

It's lurking there, right at the end of a dark alley, at a blind corner, at the other end of the tunnel....it's right there and it's waiting, and we're walking towards it. I dont know what it is, what form it will take and whether it will consume me or will I conquer it. I dont know if I have the strength enough to fight it, and why bother when ultimately, it's right there ruling you? You know it's there, you're walking right towards it and you can't change that ending now, can you?

I'm working on a Saturday and I'm missing the following:
1. Having nothing better to do than sprawl on the sofa and read for a few blissful minutes before falling into a deep, dreamy sleep.
2. Walking down a leafy, green pathway...under an overcast sky, beside a rocky beach, dreaming waking dreams
3. Surfing through movies, sitcoms, games.
4. Doing NOTHING!
5. Waiting for Sunday to cram all the things I need to do.

I wish it were a blasted holiday!! I need peace of mind and right now, my mind's in pieces!!!

Major crib!

Weekends are for rains...

2007-06-16T21:36:00.000-07:00

Weekends are when one has infinite patience for the weather and any changes in it. I thought of preparing myself with good books that one could read when having to stay indoors thanks to the ever-wet weather we had all week. Turns out that the weekend is completely devoid of the kind of rains we'd expected all week. I also slept right through a light rainfall (nothing compared to the one I was caught in this Thursday) - slept for almost 3 hours straight and got enough sleep to last the whole of last night. I think I work myself like a slave all week and weekend's when I get reminded of it.

Anyway, I read a good deal and also relaxed a good deal. I didnt eat anything from the street vendors this time. I also didnt feel like making my cup soup of chicken noodle and vegetable as the stomach seemed a bit too out of whack. They're showing good movies today although yesterday wasnt too bad...saw a bit of Bridget Jones' Diary. I havent seen the Edge of Reason...now that's a movie one cant watch unless one's in the mood for it.

I feel like going to Bandstand and relive the monsoon time stroll I'd had years ago...only thing is I cant go as the mood's not right. The overcast skies and light drizzles are reserved only for weekdays. Maybe next weekend.

Two people

2007-06-14T00:48:00.000-07:00

He thinks it's better to leave emotions inside, before they end up hurting one or the other. She thinks its a moral right to express oneself to avoid projecting any perceptions that she knows are invalid and untrue. He thinks she's a bit too expressive and thoughtless about the repercussions it could have on their relationship. She thinks that if a person wants the truth and nothing but the truth, the person needs to have it...depends on the person how they want to take it. She realises that it cant always be done...it's bound to backfire when dealing with someone so hypocritical. At the same time, the person is a child...he knows what he wants but doesnt know or want to be responsible enough to take it or keep it. And that thing is a relationship and it is worth more than the moral right to express herself and is definitely worth a lot more than the ugly truth.

so, she decides to shut up...for their sake!

I want time to fly...

2007-06-08T00:54:00.000-07:00

...and for it to be tomorrow already. I hate the air of anticipation that hangs like a gloomy fog all over my favourite workday. I dont know how it will end, it always ends past 8 pm if I'm lucky and past 11 pm if I'm not. I remember being so excited about travelling to Hyd that I ended up having to deal with an 11:30 pm getting out of office and getting home to pack as I was leaving for the airport early the next day. Anywayz...

Everytime I decide that the field I'm in is the best one for me, it just loves giving me little shocks that take me back to wanting to try out publishing/being a full-time writer of fiction or whatever else it is I wanna write about. I basically have a passion for books, for well-written prose that is visual in its way, of hanging on to words that form a ladder into a person's soul...all that jazz. It gives me a high that my current line of work can never do. Although I'm aware that I dont have enough knowledge in either field, I have a passion centred around the one that I'm too scared to go for. And go I must...if I want to do something good for me and make it into a place that I wont ever want to leave.

I want time to take me there...to the place where I can belong better than where I do right now.

Confused

2007-06-01T00:52:00.000-07:00

To be or not to be...evil!

Right now I'm cold. I'm the kind of person who doesnt become friends easily, doesnt put too much effort where she doesnt see it mattering much to her...although it does to people on the receiving end of my behaviour. I'm wondering about this. Hasnt this been the main reason why I;ve lost good friends, best friends at one point...but then I'm comforted that I was not the only one responsible. Another shade of convenience.

Life's good for now but quite a rocky ride depending on me. Maybe I'm getting used to the rocks in life, work, relationships, etc. That's why I make my life complex and get tensed most of all time. I do wish I were different and could snap like Becker and be free of all conscientious pangs of guilt. I wish I didnt have a conscience...a birth defect perhaps? On the other hand, maybe I'm not into a peril because I do....

...the eternal confusion!

Dim sums?

2007-05-20T08:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight's the time for a light dinner. There's noodle soup simmering on the stove, a glass of rose syrup mixed in cold water, perhaps a dash of vodka would really heighten the flavour and leave a sting on the tip of my tongue? I dare not think of spirits, my own needs picking up.

Being a hot night, after a hot day, I (if I didnt have to cook) would love fresh dim-sums from the bamboo containers from which are fished out steaming, yummy versions of the ones I'd had at Hong Kong. I'd love a side-dish of honey-glazed barbequed pork on sticky rice. Washed down with a couple of Cosmopolitans. A dessert of either cold, frozen mango covered with creamy vanilla ice-cream or a sinful cold, chocolate mousse. Or both.

Time to get to my noodle soup.

Take a Chance...

2007-05-14T01:13:00.000-07:00

...and get surprised! I love taking chances on books although not on Campari. Didnt know it would be so bitter that I'd actually regret ordering a drink. The prawns werent so great either. Miserably ground into a paste along with other vegetables, the essence of it inside a dim sum was lost. All one could taste was the sea, which is not bad sometimes but here it was a mistake.

However, the other chances were lovely. Bought the Namesake, Interpreter of Maladies and Touching Earth at this lovely old, second-hand bookstore in a cramped corner of a bustling, hip shopping street. One could easily miss this gem, it's not blaringly advertised and neither is it located at the very edge of the street that one walks on. At first glance, it looks like a place one could afford to avoid but after going in and browsing through the shelves, one gets treasures like hardbound works of Tagore and collections of Shakespeare plays. VS Naipaul, Vikram Seth and Kazuo Ishiguro were outnumbered but yet, I was glad to run into their work at this bookstore that slashes prices by more than 50% off. And the books are in good condition (the ones I picked up were). The owner could even tell me which pages were missing of which book by just looking at the book I'd picked up.

All we could splurge on were three books. But that was the highlight of a day-long excursion into the very heart of the Garden city. One experience that keeps calling me back to come and get lost in the dusty tomes and towering shelves of this extremely quaint, stacked in a corner bookstore.

Surprise!

2007-05-02T00:45:00.000-07:00

...I finished cooking in about fifteen-twenty minutes
...I could finish eating breakfast/showering/etc. before time so I could sit for another ten minutes and read the paper with a cup of tea
...I remembered that tonight's when the team's meeting to go out for a sizzler dinner
...I remembered that I hadnt informed my folks about it, which is ok coz I'm 26 going on 27 (although I still dont have the house keys)
...I had an early meeting in the first half of the day, which leaves me free to do uninterrupted thinking (aka work!!) in the second half of today
...I still havent been to the beauty parlour yet and was awake an hour last night just wondering how I'm going to manage a mammoth task before next week's wedding
...I'm horribly hungry

Mondays

2007-04-15T20:11:00.001-07:00

Mondays mean so many different things to different people. For a young mother with wild kids, it's a break from being a full-time mom and her day starts right after the monsters are packed off for school. For me, Mondays mean yearning for Fridays. Were I a full-time novelist, I'm sure Mondays wouldnt mean anything...the deadline would mean everything. For my aged granny, it means a fear of unrealised expectations, of going all the way to come back halfway... of psychos at the other end of a victim trying to lead a normal life. For my mother, it means a busier day than yesterday... and I'm sure she's looking forward to next week already. For my sister, it means a five minute drive to work and an 8-hour hellish day with angry feelings rising from the tips of her hair-roots to the very tip of her toes. She looks forward to six o'clock as weekends just mean Sundays to her. For my dad, Mondays are as briskly gotten over with as possible...although he's had a two-day weekend holiday in a very long time. He's retiring this September...time enough for him to stop manically rushing to and fro.

Mondays are a time for me to get off writing from my heart and employ my brain to work overtime struggling with words.

:)

2007-04-12T09:31:00.000-07:00

A smile of contentment. Extremely hard to get. One has to leave at 6:30 pm in the middle of the week and rush back on the route where you get to do the maximum window-shopping sitting back in the rickshaw and sometimes bending forward to get a good look at the sarees displayed in the window. Today I saw this really small shop have a variety of unusual and really beautiful colours that I'd never seen. Mango-orange combination, rose-milk pink on white, the sunniest yellow with a faint embroidery and just a hint of sequins. One's neck can get a bit strained just trying to catch all the colours as the rickshaw speeds by. I love doing that...perfect end to a drab day spent catching all the monotone colours of my PC.

There was also this really lovely breeze that kept tugging at my kurta. I thought it would carry me away the minute I got to a clearer space. Nothing happened, but the mischeivous wind followed me all the way home.

They're in the feelings...the small things...

2007-04-07T20:28:00.000-07:00

Roy's story isnt in the big things, its in the small things. The spit bubbles and the Love-in-Tokyos. The fountains and the puffs. The beige coloured shoes where the angry feelings come from. Bottles of bottled youth. Suppressed emotions, anxieties, fears, dreams...all coming together in the same vat of boiling banana jam. Paradise Pickles and Preserves.

I can see shades of my childhood. The movie theatre not the multiplex. The Goldspot, not the Mirinda. The comic books and the abridged classics. The notebooks with my best handwriting at the start of the year and my worst writing towards its end. Summer vacations with cousins and grannies. The heat of the dusty playground bringing more joy and satisfaction than the first drizzle of June, indicating school-time was just around the corner. Pangs to grow up resulted in pangs to go back to the safe womb of childhood, one that insulated you from work, salaries, taxes and hunger to own something you cant afford. From the race of rats.

Roy's brought all those things back with her God of Small Things.

Dreams are made of...

2007-03-24T00:57:00.000-07:00

Close your eyes and let me take you far, far away. It's a journey for two hours and a sight for sore eyes. Once you do open them, you are floored by all the vibrant colours fluttering in front of them. Pink towers, grey roads...the contrast hits you. Then when your eyes do adjust to it, you see a bit of firozi sparkling like the ocean in the middle of stone and silver. Drives on wide, empty roads contrast with crowded, poky, poor bazaars. A divinely simple meal of dal baati churma and gatte ka saag leaps to new heights while elaborate chinese preparations fall flat. The subtly sweet ghewar, the overpowering sprinkle of rose water on churma...the contrast overwhelms and leaves you speechless. The subdued silver of your anklets, the shining gold of the jadau, the sparkling emerald lawns of green. And a big, blue-green peacock drifting through your surroundings, jumping freely everywhere and leaving you spellbound.

Thus, I dream...of taking you there.

Have you ever...

2007-03-19T22:11:00.000-07:00

...woken up to a peacock's call?
...rushed out to see peacocks and peahens flying around, sitting on rooftops and just roaming free?
...ate the original gatte ka saag and ghewar?
...stood looking out at the city from a fort built hundreds of years before you were born?
...lost yourself in the bazaars, amidst colourful leheriyas in flaming pinks, reds and the coolest blue?
...visited a palace built on the grounds given as a gift from a queen to her maid?
...visited a revolving restaurant where only the walls went round and your view stayed the same?
...felt like royalty?
...lived in a haveli?
...been to the Pink city to do all of the above?

Not Gadget Friendly...

2007-03-02T21:25:00.000-08:00

I have an Ipod that's just rotting away in my cupboard. I havent added the software required to play songs on it. I need to do it. And so far, that's my absolutely last priority...too darn lazy to do anything on my own. I'm waiting for sis to get back from work so she can help me.

It's not the question of having a user friendly gadget...the user needs to be gadget friendly. :)

Wish Fulfilment

2007-02-03T19:23:00.000-08:00

Being a djenie's a full time job that doesnt end at 5 pm and goes home to something else. We dont get weekends off either... we're busier when its birthday time and we need to cheer someone up. We go into emotional overdrive...trying to ease it on and yet, work towards making the person's day.

It's my sister's birthday today and I feel I've not done much. I still need to take her out shopping but she doesnt feel like it. We've given her some itty bitty stuff but we need her to go and choose the thing she really wants. Yesterday evening, we beat her down enough for her to tell us what cake she'd like. Now I'm worried abt lunch coz it's just the two of us. I want her to have something she'd want to eat, not just eat coz she's hungry. And she's not like me, she is very fussy and specific to the point of just not eating if she doesnt get things exactly as she imagines them. Something different is definitely out.

So is a day to the new lifestyle sale, she doesnt have the time on a freaking sunny sunday to go and shop some place other than home. Anyway, I hope she has a good day regardless of how she chooses to enjoy it. I'm sure she's just relieved that she isnt spending her day at the office.

Now...to plan the lunch!

Silence...

2007-01-29T19:19:00.000-08:00

...that's what you'll get, dear friend, for being the way you've been to me. You may have forgotten all your little sins but I know you havent forgotten mine and for that reason, subconsciously, my attitude has changed. Change is permanent and unfortunately, you're on the wrong side of it. It could have been different...now, I'm surprised at the way you are...as if nothing had happened. You could have let nothing happen but you did, and while torn and bruised, I gave you my apologies and you lapped it up magnanimously. However, I think only I see this side that I dont like anymore and you apparently hate.

I need to be away from you and from all this for a long while...by doing my duty and nothing more. I think you'd understand this best. You've got more than I do, at any rate...you've got my little reflection all unchanged and unspoiled...the way you want it to be, the way it's fit into your plans, I'm glad at least that reflection will have the will to be by your side through thick and thin...

...while I fade into the beyond, covered by the darkness of your convenient memory.

Things...

2007-01-13T05:13:00.000-08:00

Like, seeing the afternoon melt away into a sunset. Contemplating how fast the world moves, time flies...thinking about all the things you could've done and still have a little time in which to revive them and move on. Do the things you like and do it when you feel like doing them....like...taking a walk, sitting in a cafe you like and ordering what you like without worrying about weight/blood pressure. No point in doing them two hours later, you feel like you're doing a chore and it's that much less enjoyable. I actually got cold feet just going into a cafe alone, just coz two people gave me a look that I interpreted as 'poor lonely thing'. I felt that the last time I ate alone at pizza hut, a girl who looked at me as if i was out of my mind to be eating there alone. Not that it stopped me...made me chew my food slower just to put it in her face a little more. But a casual look stopped me that day and made me justify not going coz I had to avoid the traffic on New Year's Eve.

Not that I regret it...the moment had passed and going through it would have seemed like a chore.

Wonder...

2007-01-05T00:08:00.000-08:00

Small wonders start small and leave you knocked out searching for explanations. It's like the tea that tasted of wood...I know I'll be searching for it my whole life, i dont know the brand nor the name. It's something that grew on me the more I had it. Now, its disappeared. Things we take for granted...things that disappear and things you spend your life searching for.

Amy Tan brought me back memories. The Joy Luck Club is something that I'll always go back to...to search for lost memories in a green jade box. The silks on Stanley, the warm spicy crab meat rice and seafood curry in a hollowed pumpkin, the serene walk around the palaces, the crowded, smelly flea markets....the love and the passion of discovering new things, falling in love and keeping it immortal in memory.

That's the stuff that wonder's made of.

New Year's Resolution List

2007-01-01T18:56:00.000-08:00

1. Buy good books - the ones you seriously want to add to your collection.

2. Buy better gifts for the people you love (not just the ones you think they'll like)

3. Take sis out shopping more often so she numbs to the feeling of utter guilt when the purchases havent gone beyond a 1000 bucks.

4. Eat fudge at Mocha.

5. Exercise more.

6. Experiment with food but also eat it afterward.

7. Buy garlic pods (mashed garlic and ginger paste cannot completely substitute the feeling of eating a little burnt garlic pod along with lentils).

8. Learn to make more interesting food.

9. Be more responsible with a. life b. finances c. investments

10. Read all collected books.

La la la...and a happy new year!

2006-12-30T19:49:00.000-08:00

Hey! Dont look so sad...i know you're not doing much or spending too much money but look on the bright side. Last year was fun! You did some hanging out at new joints, eating at the brilliant and now extinct China White, some first-class mall shopping like a true-blue mall rat, saw Carter Road CCD for the first time and enjoyed it in the rains too, no less! You stood up for yourself, took time off for an illness and got better in time, you're basically in the pink, saw some excellent movies, gave some excellent support to family and friends, grew more mature along with growing older...you did well for yourself! There's a long list still waiting in the new year, but I'm sure it cant be that tough. Just do it, babe!

And have a wonderful new year to do it all in! Dont have regrets, dont drive after drinking even a small peg, and basically party hard whenever you have the urge to do so. Paint the town red!

Happy 2007!

Aftermath

2006-12-25T19:11:00.000-08:00

...stings! Back to reality is never so good anyway...you undergo major pangs of getting back where you've left off...getting back to your fav holiday place, snuggling under the covers and refusing to move.

To top it off, I've been reading P G Wodehouse where the characters are perpetually on vacation or doing nothing or well, having entertaining occupations that still leave time enough to go flirting about town, shopping and tossing back a cocktail or two before hitting le sack at midnight or thereabouts. And back to work with/without a hangover.

Hence, my mind needs some shoving back to reality. There's a New Year's Eve around the corner and well, once that's done we got nearly no reason to look forward to loaded weekends. This time I plan to do something...anything...even if I'm on my own like one of my best buddies does. She goes to a full seven-star buffet breakfast on her own. While I cant do that yet, I'd love to do what I did last Diwali. I went nuts at a mall and was happy bogged down with bags filled with bargains.

I dont want to shop this time but roam around I definitely will. Where...God knows! But I must.

I need to celebrate myself in the best possible way.

Djenie's on vacation

2006-12-22T18:51:00.000-08:00

Up, up, and away...to wonderland. I still have packing to do for the Christmas break...going to a farmhouse out of town. I'm leaving this morning for a three day respite from shopping, spending, stressing and armed with a coffee book of helpful Tibetan knowledge...I'm off!

There's a couple of mails I need to respond to but i plan to put it off for as long as i can. A. I dont care. B. I dont want to commit myself and hence need to think up a good reason. I dont want to spend the rest of my life doing stuff I'm comproed into doing. Some things deserve compromise, like family, good friends and fun. But not this.

I wish to God that my Christmas gift had been a voucher this time...yet, i know that i deserved it for not sending out a wish list. Cant blame Santa for choosing the one he preferred, and i know it will be interesting and will be a splendid addition to my already quite diverse collection of books. I just hope I find it interesting too.

For now though, I'm just going to sit back and relax with plum cake and a couple of shots of rum.

As of now...

2006-12-16T19:25:00.000-08:00

Being out of touch is really what i prefer. I should have said no to making a new email friend the very first time i was asked. Now i have to deal with someone's appreciation of me before the person even knows me. That isnt the really terrifying part.

The really terrifying part is the two-facedness of someone else who is only vaguely connected here. At one point, you hate my guts for what I did years ago when I was silly and immature. At the same time, you talk abt me to a complete stranger in such kind words that the stranger falls for me. I cant deal with a fan following considering i had a fan who well...got disillusioned because i changed. For me the change was for the better and will always be that way. For you, the change was for the worse coz it took away something you idolised and wanted more than the person behind all this.

Good intentions i realise carry as much weight as the last word. If my last word to you had been pathetic please let it be that way. Dont make me wonder about myself and the least you can do is make me live with a lot less guilt.

I cant handle another version of the same thing. Had I wanted a fan following...i'd have gone in the film line.

Life and something like it...

2006-12-12T19:10:00.000-08:00

I realise how much one needs to avoid some things in order to survive. Like avoiding potatoes and bananas to lose weight (all dieticians recommend it). One needs to avoid worrying to stop shortening one's life and to cause less heartburn, heart attacks...or as my mom says your heart will enlarge and become hard with worry. Which is bad...they say anxiety can enlarge the heart although i think i may have imagined the hard bit. Although it does seem possible.

That's why i have this space. I can watch my worries melting away and just let go of them right here. On this space. That's why its also super secret a place.

My few moments of peace...

1. Working in the kitchen in the morning - cant think of anything else at the same time.
2. Going for a brief morning walk - half an hour of bliss and some greens for the eyes.
3. Reading
4. Weekends
5. Signing in at work and taking a small coffee break before I start working.
6. Evening walk towards my bus/rick stop
7. Buying veggies and fruits (never at the same time coz i tend to buy too much and then i cant walk all the way over to the fruit stall with the weight of the bag).
8. Going out
9. Shopping
10. Buying flowers to brighten the home

Just yesterday i told a guy who stopped calling me to stop any further communication. I dont know yet what his reasons were to stop calling the first time, but i know that i cannot stand it when its an arranged thing and one needs to know the other at the crucial first two months. Almost a month of no contact leaves me free to go scouting for other boys who want to talk to me. Without explanations too...like the person just chose to blank out of my life. I want to let him stay blanked out...on my terms.

I realise that i am harsh and i'd be more accomodating given different circumstances (or even a few years ago) but not anymore. I need to avoid something so i dont suffer from anxiety and an enlarged heart. the less my life's unpredictable...the better.

Loving promos more than the whole thing...

2006-12-08T21:15:00.000-08:00

I love the first peek at a new movie. I also love the trailer that's shown during the interval of the movie you spend 160 bucks on at the multiplex. I tend to love it better than the actual product coz it seems like the trailer was more lovingly made than the entire movie of the same trailer. I dont know how that happens. Sadly, there are no traces of the magic created by the first peek and the trailer...the wondrous music that gets your foot tapping and your waist moving and your mind doing the jig fades away into some tracks that you know will not be as memorable.

I dont know who's involved at this time in the life cycle of a movie but whoever you are...you do magic and enchant people to shell out all they've got for such movies that inevitably do not hold out on the promise.

Please do have tracks and mementoes so people like me can hold on to some of the magic if not all.

Happiness

2006-11-29T00:19:00.000-08:00

Hi,

Right now, I'm happy. I know this might not last. But, still here and happy! Am preserving this moment...goodness knows how long it will last. Got to have one post that was witness to it all.

I think, instead of watching a stupid reality show and killing my eyes over it, i'll read a book tonight and put an eye pillow afterwards. I need to assess my priorities.

Love,

Me.

A little bit of this and that

2006-11-27T00:27:00.000-08:00

Went bookstore hopping last evening...and ran out of one coz it depressed me. The other one wasnt any better but it was too cold and too uninviting and as ignorant as a bumpkin dressed in Page 3 attire...you had the window dressing but none of the substance. And that's how I spent my sunday evening. In despair.

I dont know why after every party with a particular group saps and depresses me. It sucks away my happiness as a Dementor would. It makes me examine myself as i never have. The end result is a time-out from thinking which drove me all by myself to bookstores. Where i only agonize about what to collect...what to buy...not about my life!

Those events are required when one starts looking at oneself from all angles...good or bad. It doesnt matter eventually, you know you will hop back. But the journey really drains you.

However, I got two good books in the bargain and have started reading one.

I'm loving it!

Wandering Mind...and Shifting Loyalties

2006-11-08T23:41:00.000-08:00

Dating is so hard. Especially you think it’s the wrong guy but you still hang on to find out whether the sparks will fly and magic will happen regardless of your first few impressions. Impressions do change and surprising things can happen in the weeks after the first two crucial weeks of getting to know a person. But I don’t know if I want to go so far. Yet, I know that it would be stupid to live by first impressions. Since I could also be on the receiving end of it.

Hence, selfish motives do eventually drive you to do the right thing. You just don’t want bad things to happen to you, coz you believe what goes around comes around.

On a totally unrelated topic, I’m getting a new bed. It’s not a sofa cum bed. I won’t have to roll it out every night and it won’t have to be tucked back in at morn. But I don’t save any space in the room, and well, the room might look smaller. But who cares? Less effort. Plus, we might get to chuck some of the other heavier furniture just coz it makes the room look smaller. Shopping! As if I need any more excitement in my life.

Nothing to do...

2006-11-04T20:39:00.000-08:00

I love being surrounded by red and orange flowers around autumn...the weather's changing and sadly, there's no autum foliage around my home. I live in tropical weather which perenially has only a few shades of variation throughout the year. Some leaves do turn yellow and start shedding off trees, but it happens in the hottest summers too. One could pretend but when one's too practical to be liked then one has to make do with one's own imagination that perhaps stops at red and orange flowers. Perhaps I should add a yellow leaf or two to make it more real.

I live in a thoroughly cosmopolitan city where a young girl can live alone, go to work and take a cab back home (someone else said that about my city...i didnt). But that's the truth. You love the pace, it gets under your skin and gets absorbed into your bloodstream. You're a throbbing city specimen. Hence, on trips to anyplace other than here, you take loads of books and stuff to amuse yourself in case well...time starts dragging.

I went to a village though where nothing drags as slowly as time and spent it reading or doing nothing. And i loved doing the latter - sitting at the porch and gazing at mountains with nothing better to do than just sit and stare. and balance yourself on the porch ledge. You can do it anytime of the day and all day too. Made me realise how much of this endless time i spend doing endless tasks. And how i need to get away from it all, just so i dont miss this life and this city and the beautiful country that God's made all for us.

Someone to share your dreams with...

2006-10-27T19:40:00.000-07:00

I've always had a friend who was closer than the rest of the gang i'd belong to. But i've hardly ever had best friends who'd stick thru thick and thin. And now, I'm proud to say that i've two friends who exactly fit this description. They are the sort to give you exactly what you need, take you where you want to go, tell you what you need to listen and end up making you feel loved (inspite of all the truth they give out once in every while). They're not second-thinking about letting you know exactly wht they feel about you, your choices, your loves etc. And yet, everytime, you'd want to run to them irrespective of how they make you feel (which is good...all the time I am with them).

At the same time, they can be exasperating with their own life, choices, loves etc. But we take it in our stride coz we love each other and this is such a pure form of love (i know a relationship cant always be like this). That's why girlfriends (esp) need each other. Whether I'm in love or not, whether I make new friends or not...I know whom i'm gonna keep coming back to.

All the world needs are best friends... all other things come second.

Peace

2006-10-26T01:18:00.000-07:00

You know what ultimate peace is?

To leave someone who doesnt like the person you turn out to be. Everyone changes, even people who proclaim that they can never change eventually do have to eat their words (i am one of them). And people who cannot stand the change in you are better off left and forgotten.

However, being the person I am...I cannot forget. I then try out a strategy whereby I am good friends and yet, not in any danger of going back on my words (aka going back to the person i've left). And somehow, it aint hard for me. Yet, its hard to get the flak that eventually comes along just coz you're there and you are ready to accept what is thrown at you.

And you accept just coz you love that person more than you knew you did. Some things just dont change. And such things are better left unchanged and unproclaimed.

True love can mean saying goodbye to feelings, affections and friendship even....just as much as it can mean staying back and biting every rising emotion just to protect the other person. Sometimes, staying back can get impossible. And well, so is saying a complete goodbye and getting out of it.

Entering the magic lamp

2006-10-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

I'm entering another world...far away from prying eyes...far away from nasty surprises :)

Not that i dont want anyone to know, but just trying to have a place of my own away from people I know or people i fear would judge me. Here's where i've thought for a long time about writing exactly what i believe in. You're welcome to stay if you like. I'm always gonna be here.

So, I was sitting by myself all of yesterday and suddenly i liked it much more than being in a crowd and having no fun. There's something to be said even about shopping for essentials at such a time, aka by yourself. You find new things in places some companion wouldnt have chosen to go.

Dinner for two, prawns biryani and chicken shabnam curry. I'll have to eat it for lunch today as well, there's quite a lot of food. Watched a sex and the city VCD that i'd missed at the rental store earlier. Loved it, coupled the CD with "The Banger Sisters" which also i loved. It's a bit too fast from what I'd expected. You wonder if anyone has really had the time to make amends that early...and Geoff Rush is amazing. Ian Mc Kellen (if that's the right spelling) and Geoffrey Rush just make me gasp for more. Always surprising and full of surprises.

Was thinking about ex-boyfriends and how to deal with the demise of a relationship. No right way and yet very very bad for the self esteem. There's also the thing of it blowing in your face even when you've done all you could to prevent such a situation. Humans, right? Always something else waiting in line to blow up and bring you two steps back from where you were.

Anyway, i'd had a good day...without baggage (ok ok, maybe a little handbag) and without guilt. But, definitely not without sin...he he he!