Confused

To be or not to be...evil!

Right now I'm cold. I'm the kind of person who doesnt become friends easily, doesnt put too much effort where she doesnt see it mattering much to her...although it does to people on the receiving end of my behaviour. I'm wondering about this. Hasnt this been the main reason why I;ve lost good friends, best friends at one point...but then I'm comforted that I was not the only one responsible. Another shade of convenience.

Life's good for now but quite a rocky ride depending on me. Maybe I'm getting used to the rocks in life, work, relationships, etc. That's why I make my life complex and get tensed most of all time. I do wish I were different and could snap like Becker and be free of all conscientious pangs of guilt. I wish I didnt have a conscience...a birth defect perhaps? On the other hand, maybe I'm not into a peril because I do....

...the eternal confusion!