We're just walking...

...towards God Knows What.

It's lurking there, right at the end of a dark alley, at a blind corner, at the other end of the tunnel....it's right there and it's waiting, and we're walking towards it. I dont know what it is, what form it will take and whether it will consume me or will I conquer it. I dont know if I have the strength enough to fight it, and why bother when ultimately, it's right there ruling you? You know it's there, you're walking right towards it and you can't change that ending now, can you?

I'm working on a Saturday and I'm missing the following:
1. Having nothing better to do than sprawl on the sofa and read for a few blissful minutes before falling into a deep, dreamy sleep.
2. Walking down a leafy, green pathway...under an overcast sky, beside a rocky beach, dreaming waking dreams
3. Surfing through movies, sitcoms, games.
4. Doing NOTHING!
5. Waiting for Sunday to cram all the things I need to do.

I wish it were a blasted holiday!! I need peace of mind and right now, my mind's in pieces!!!

Major crib!

Weekends are for rains...

Weekends are when one has infinite patience for the weather and any changes in it. I thought of preparing myself with good books that one could read when having to stay indoors thanks to the ever-wet weather we had all week. Turns out that the weekend is completely devoid of the kind of rains we'd expected all week. I also slept right through a light rainfall (nothing compared to the one I was caught in this Thursday) - slept for almost 3 hours straight and got enough sleep to last the whole of last night. I think I work myself like a slave all week and weekend's when I get reminded of it.

Anyway, I read a good deal and also relaxed a good deal. I didnt eat anything from the street vendors this time. I also didnt feel like making my cup soup of chicken noodle and vegetable as the stomach seemed a bit too out of whack. They're showing good movies today although yesterday wasnt too bad...saw a bit of Bridget Jones' Diary. I havent seen the Edge of Reason...now that's a movie one cant watch unless one's in the mood for it.

I feel like going to Bandstand and relive the monsoon time stroll I'd had years ago...only thing is I cant go as the mood's not right. The overcast skies and light drizzles are reserved only for weekdays. Maybe next weekend.

Two people

He thinks it's better to leave emotions inside, before they end up hurting one or the other. She thinks its a moral right to express oneself to avoid projecting any perceptions that she knows are invalid and untrue. He thinks she's a bit too expressive and thoughtless about the repercussions it could have on their relationship. She thinks that if a person wants the truth and nothing but the truth, the person needs to have it...depends on the person how they want to take it. She realises that it cant always be done...it's bound to backfire when dealing with someone so hypocritical. At the same time, the person is a child...he knows what he wants but doesnt know or want to be responsible enough to take it or keep it. And that thing is a relationship and it is worth more than the moral right to express herself and is definitely worth a lot more than the ugly truth.

so, she decides to shut up...for their sake!

I want time to fly...

...and for it to be tomorrow already. I hate the air of anticipation that hangs like a gloomy fog all over my favourite workday. I dont know how it will end, it always ends past 8 pm if I'm lucky and past 11 pm if I'm not. I remember being so excited about travelling to Hyd that I ended up having to deal with an 11:30 pm getting out of office and getting home to pack as I was leaving for the airport early the next day. Anywayz...

Everytime I decide that the field I'm in is the best one for me, it just loves giving me little shocks that take me back to wanting to try out publishing/being a full-time writer of fiction or whatever else it is I wanna write about. I basically have a passion for books, for well-written prose that is visual in its way, of hanging on to words that form a ladder into a person's soul...all that jazz. It gives me a high that my current line of work can never do. Although I'm aware that I dont have enough knowledge in either field, I have a passion centred around the one that I'm too scared to go for. And go I must...if I want to do something good for me and make it into a place that I wont ever want to leave.

I want time to take me there...to the place where I can belong better than where I do right now.

Confused

To be or not to be...evil!

Right now I'm cold. I'm the kind of person who doesnt become friends easily, doesnt put too much effort where she doesnt see it mattering much to her...although it does to people on the receiving end of my behaviour. I'm wondering about this. Hasnt this been the main reason why I;ve lost good friends, best friends at one point...but then I'm comforted that I was not the only one responsible. Another shade of convenience.

Life's good for now but quite a rocky ride depending on me. Maybe I'm getting used to the rocks in life, work, relationships, etc. That's why I make my life complex and get tensed most of all time. I do wish I were different and could snap like Becker and be free of all conscientious pangs of guilt. I wish I didnt have a conscience...a birth defect perhaps? On the other hand, maybe I'm not into a peril because I do....

...the eternal confusion!